


Dancing on my own

by Fuck___it



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, and a little bit of fluff, barry pls don't cri, so much angst it'll kill you and then the fluff will restart your heart momentarily, very intense angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 05:02:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11616429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuck___it/pseuds/Fuck___it
Summary: Len slammed the glass down on the bar counter and stood up, almost knocking his chair over. As he left he threw a twenty on the counter and sauntered out of the bar. He needed to get his mind off of Barry. Which was the last thing he wanted to do. But alas, if your drowning the last thing on your mind is ruining the $3,000 suit you have on. Ironic how the kid made him think about drowning.Drowning in what? Drowning in emotion? Drowning in tears? Or just drowning in Barry…drowning without Barry…Barry…Barry.





	Dancing on my own

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo I went a little overboard with the angst? I'm so sorry, I'll buy you tissues and chocolate please don't cry!

Len always found it funny how everything seemed to move too fast for him, especially ever since he started dating a speedster. Maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Sometimes moving fast was the only way to stay alive. Although he didn't really have to worry about that much these days. Lisa didn't need protecting anymore, and neither did Barry. That's not to say Barry didn't need him at all, but sometimes they needed breaks. Like now.

 

Barry was all the way in coast city, doing god knows what right now. Len kept telling himself the kid didn't really leave him, it just felt like it. After all, he had suddenly decided to take a vacation a day after a huge fight they had. The fight, it was for the stupidest reasons. It hadn't seemed stupid at the time, but it never does until it's too late.

 

He took a deep breath and downed the glass of whiskey in his hand, trying so hard to forget the thought that Barry would realize Len just wasn't worth it anymore. Len didn't even think he was worth it anymore. His speedster was probably at a bar in his fancy hotel chatting with someone 3 times better than him, and then they'd-

 

Everything in him screamed at him to stop. Stop thinking about that. Barry wouldn't cheat on him. He wouldn't…would he? The kid was a saint, but even saints can sin. But Barry was a hero, he had ‘morals’. He wouldn't just give up on Len so easily.

 

Even though everyone else had.

 

Len slammed the glass down on the bar counter and stood up, almost knocking his chair over. As he left he threw a twenty on the counter and sauntered out of the bar. He needed to get his mind off of Barry. Which was the last thing he wanted to do. But alas, if your drowning the last thing on your mind is ruining the $3,000 suit you have on. Ironic how the kid made him think about drowning.

 

Drowning in what? Drowning in emotion? Drowning in tears? Or just drowning in Barry…drowning without Barry…Barry…

 

Barry.

 

The last thing he should do was drive, so instead of climbing on his motorcycle he marked the location of it in his phone and started walking in the general direction of his current shelter. Direction was vague though, everything was vague. The numbness in him was starting to set in, and it wasn't from the cold. It was from the absence of the warmth that was Barry Allen. He couldn't stop himself from saying the kids name like a mantra. Barry, Barry Allen, Scarlet, Red, Kid, _mine_.

 

_No, not mine, not anymore._

 

His entire body ached without the high the kid left him in. His heart so bad. His head felt fuzzy. He didn't even realize his phone was buzzing until the clear sound of the song he'd set as micks ringtone filtered through the quiet streets of central city and broke his broody silence. 

 

"What do you want mick.” Len growled out, he should've been nicer, then Barry wouldn't have left…

 

“Geez, who pissed in your cheerios.” Micks gruff voice answered back.

 

“Well? What's the call for? You never call.” “Just wondering when your gonna be back, hey do you need a ride?” Len almost laughed at that, a bitter sound that died in his throat, micks concern reminded him of Barry.

 

Everything reminded him of Barry.

 

"Yeah…I think I had too much whiskey…”

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

_Barry. Barry Barry Barry. Come back. Please._

 

Len hated how pathetic he sounded to himself. Even his thoughts were changed from Barry's absence. It had been an entire week without him. Len knew he didn't need Barry to survive, in fact most days he could easily ignore the longing sensation. But right now, in this particular moment, laying in bed staring at the ceiling, the loneliness crept in. The faint tears dancing down his face couldn't be ignored either.

 

Maybe he could call Barry. Apologize. Tell him how much he loved the kid. But no, Barry specifically told him not to call unless he was dying. But he was dying. He was drowning and he was sinking and he was _burning_ _and_ _aching_ _and_ _freezing_ _and_ _numb_ _all_ _at_ _the_ _same_ _time_.

 

“Barry!” He shouted into the quiet room, no one was home.

 

Mick was causing chaos at a bar and Lisa was on a date. And Barry was gone.

 

Or was he…?

 

A flash of yellow lighting lit up the room for a fraction of a second before Barry Allen stood in the middle of lens room. He was hyperventilating and tears fell from his shining eyes like little waterfalls. A sob tore through his throat before he bent over and grasped at his chest.

 

“Len—p-please—I can't _**breathe**_ ” he choked out as he took in a sharp breath.

 

Len was off the bed and across the room with enough speed to almost match Barry. He wrapped his strong arms around the kid and let him press his wet face into lens shirt. The older man rubbed his hands up and down the kids back while he breathed into lens shoulder, taking in sharp breaths every few seconds and letting out shaky ones.

 

“Shhh, it's ok now Barry, I'm here, I got you” Len whispered into the top of Barry's dark brunette hair. 

 

"I can't—I'm so sorry…Len!” Barry sobbed harder into lens chest, the sound breaking lens heart into a million pieces.

 

“I never should of left! I'm so stupid!” Barry cried, his entire body shaking. “I love you so much and I never should of left!”

 

“Hey, Barry, look at me.” Len forced Barry back, grabbing him by his forearms and staring into his gorgeous green eyes. “Look, I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere ok? Your not stupid, you just made a mistake, and so did I.”

 

Len could hear his voice cracking, the kid was a mess and it _killed_ Len. His beautiful green eyes were the size of saucers and looked like ponds from the way they filled with tears so quickly. Even when he was crying, even when snot leaked out of his nose and his voice was hoarse from sobbing his eyes out, he looked like a goddam angel. A beautiful broken angel that made every bone in lens body yearn to make him smile.

 

“Please Len…please don't leave me…please I need you so much right now…” his sentence ended with a forceful choked sob and another sharp breath.

 

Len picked him up and quickly brought him over to the bed, pulling back the covers and laying Barry down. He crawled in next to Barry and brought his lithe body closer to lens until his chest was pressed against the kids and Barry's brunette hair tickled his neck.

 

“Breathe Barry, just breathe.” Len took a few deep breaths in time with Barry, hoping it would help calm him down.

 

They stayed like that for a while, until Barry's loud sobbing died down to quiet whimpers and shaky breaths every now and then. Until it stopped completely and Barry breathed quietly into len, slipping into a dazed sleep.

 

Len kept carding his fingers through Barry's soft hair for a moment, then let his hand fall to cup the back of his head. He pressed a soft kiss to the kids forehead and brought the covers up to cover their shoulders again before shifting slightly to turn off the lamp on his nightstand.

 

Before he followed Barry and fell asleep he whispered into the dark. “I love you Barry, and I promise I'll love you forever.”

 

_~la fin~_

**Author's Note:**

> But there's fluff? So maybe it's not too bad?


End file.
